Dark Abyss

A dark abyss

That's what my heart is

There is nothing there

I don't know what is beating

But it isn't a heart

A heart of darkness

Darkness

darkness

darkness

That is all I have ever known

I have forgotten what light feels like

What the suns warmth feels like on my skin

My strength is just an accident owed to the weakness of others

Falling 

Falling 

Falling

Deeper and deeper

Into the shadows

I'm Fine

Take a Seat

Window to the soul

To dream a dream

Extra Ordinary

Up we go

Rock a bye baby

Afraid

Looking out the window

I wouldn't mind time standing still

I can hardly breath

Time is choking me

So many choices so many decisions 

I am questioning who I am

And who I want to be

There are too many voices inside my head

Telling me what to do

Each one trying to out yell the other

Everyday is another excruciating headache

Where is the relief

How do I escape

I am afraid

Afraid of growing up

Afraid

afraid

afraid

I look at myself and wonder who I really am

I do a double take

Behind this soft exterior

Lies a warrior

I realize that I am strong

But falter occasionally 

And one day soon 

You and the world will know I was here

                                      

I am not afraid anymore

I 

embrace 

the 

unknown

Yet I am

afraid

Wine

How to Cook a Turkey

1. Buy a turkey
2. Have a glass of wine
3. Stuff turkey
4. Have a glass of wine
5. Put turkey in oven
6. Relax, and have another few glasses of wine
7. Turk the bastey
8. Wine of glass another get
9. Ponder meat thermometer
10. Glass yourself another pour wine
11. Bake wine for 4 hours
12. Take the oven out of the turkey
13. Floor turkey up off pick
14. Turk the carvey
15. Get yourself another wottle of bine
16. Tet the sable, and pour yourself another glass of turkey
17. Say grace, throw-up, and pass out.
    
    Note: Wine may be substituted with chocolate milk...or whatever floats your boat
    

Blackout

Epilogue

All gone

Alone in the drawing room, thinking

She dipped her pen in the ink.

She wrote quickly;

"Forgive Me"

Follow the sound of the piano

Painting his canvas

Straining dusk

Growing louder

Ah, there you are

Stepping out to sea 

Abruptly return to silence

Remembering no longer

The increasing footsteps

Delayed

                        
         

                                              

Deep breath

More than a sigh

Silent

London

You didn't neglect me

Disapproved mistake

Still alive?

Mouth was open, bright red lips

Mary? Dead.

Not looking at me

Pausing...eyes looking

She has ignored the careful words

"I know you" 

I was forced

Sinful and wicked in the eyes

Eyes blurred with tears

And acted so shamefully

Gather evidence , come to death. Time to wonder

Mind after the evidence of his death, the murder. 

Kill, hide body. Accidental crime, suspect of murder.

Candle flickered 

The silence returned

Evidence found, guilty, cause to kill

Future silenced

I reached the gun 

Realized the illusion

Time ceased.......You killed

Scream.

Now stillness...shrouds of the mist

No noise, white ghost 

Her lips drank every drop of poison 

Such screams....such horrors

Heart and Mind

Out of sight out of mind

What a lie

I never see you, you are never in my sight

Yet there is no way in hell that you are out of my mind

Why won't you leave?

Why do you stay here hurting me?

My head is telling you to leave 

But my heart won't let you go

Curse

My head is pounding

I have all these ideas flowing in and out

But having no idea how to complete them

That's my curse

Not being able to get what is in my head

Out into the world for everyone to see

It's a burden

It makes my head pound

Writing, scratching out, writing, scratching out

I write down sentences then cross them out

And start all over

Never liking what I put

Or what I draw

So many ideas are pouring into my head

But none flow out

How I wish they would flow out

But that's my curse

Always second guessing myself

I'm sure that doesn't help

But I want it all to be perfect

But yet I don't at the same time

My mind is testing me

Seeing if I am serious with it all

Serious about my future

But I don't know what I want my future to hold

Blabbering on and on

I don't even know what I'm saying

Then...BAM...mind block

How do I go on...Damn curse

But then at times

Times like this

 It all flows out of me

I'm not even thinking

I don't know what I am typing

It is just appearing on the screen

I don't know where it is coming from

But my head pounds

Pounds and pounds

All my ideas

Then without warning

It stops

Believe in Me

I'm losing myself

Trying to compete

With everyone else

Instead of just being me

Don't know where to turn

I've been stuck in this routine

I need to change my ways

I don't wanna be afraid

I wanna wake up feeling beautiful..today

And know that I'm okay

Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways

So you see, I just wanna believe in me

The mirror can lie

Doesn't show you what's inside

And it, it can tell you you're full of life

It's amazing what you can hide

Just by putting on a smile

I don't wanna be afraid

I wanna wake up feeling beautiful..today

And know that I'm okay

Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways

So you see, I just wanna believe in me

I'm quickly finding out

I'm not about to break down

Not today

I guess I always knew

That I had all the strength to make it through

Not gonna be afraid

I'm going to wake up feeling beautiful..today

And know that I'm okay

Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways

So you see, now, now I believe in me

Now I believe in me

You're right. People lie and cheat and stab you in the back. There will be people who use you, and don't love you even though they say they do. But you can't let them stop you from living. Because there are people out there who do love you, and would never hurt you. You have to find those 

people, and keep them in your life forever.

Believe in me.

The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they've gotten.

Believe in me.

Before you  sleep, remember it's ok to not be ok. We all have our struggles. 

God loves you for who you are, but too much to leave you that way.

Believe in me.

The mirror lies, it doesn't show you what's inside. It doesn't show you the beauty within. It doesn't show your personality. It doesn't show how full of life you are.

Believe in me

Never give up on who you are. 

Believe in me.

Let The Ink Fade

With every breath I take the ink of my life is fading. Let it fade.

TRUST ME, I know how it feels. I know it hurts. I know you cry IN THE SHOWER. So no one will hear your screams. I know you wait until everyone goes to sleep to FALL APART. It's not always easy but I know exactly what that feels like. 

I hate remembering, but I can't stand to forget.I feel so empty. Yet I feel so much pain. 

There is a Hell. Believe me I have seen it.

Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I have sat in my room and cried, how many times I have lost hope, how many times I have been let down. Nobody knows how many times I've had to hold back to tears, how many times I've felt like I'm about to snap but don't just for the sake of others. Nobody knows.

People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long.

The mirror can lie. It doesn't show you what's inside.

It's like you're screaming, and nobody can hear.

My tears are like anchors that sink my heart to the depths of the deepest oceans. 

My only relief is to sleep. When I'm sleeping, I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm not lonely; I'm nothing

I'm okay....isn't that what I'm supposed to say? 

She says she's fine, but she is going insane. She says she feels good, but she's in a lot of pain. She says it's nothing, but it's really a lot. She says she's ok, but really she's not.

I tell people I'm tired. But in fact, I'm depressed. I tell people I'll be fine tomorrow. But I know, tomorrow will be worse. I tell lies everyday. And I know, I'll not be able to stop it by myself.

She was a genius of sadness, 

immersing herself in it, 

separating it's numerous strands,

appreciating its subtle nuances.

She was a prism through which sadness 

could be divided into it's infinite spectrum.

Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore.

And someday, I hope that my sadness will be replaced by something beautiful. 

My ink is fading. But I let the ink fade, with the lasting hope that it will one day be darkened.