Realization

Control has melted away. Scars of tears rolling down my face. I can't seem to hold them in, no matter how hard I try. I always thought I was strong, that I could get through anything.

I. Was. Wrong.

I have tried to be strong for far too long. I use to pride myself for not crying. Now it is my only relief and it comes more often now then ever before.

To others I am happy, joyful, and fun. But to myself, I am a lonely, miserable, unhappy girl. One who has mountains of inner turmoil. 

No one knows I cry myself to sleep almost every night. No one knows what is really on my mind. No one seems to know me.

No one.

For once I want someone to ask me how I'm doing, and know that I'm lying when I say "I'm fine"

No, I am not tired all the time! I'm f-ing depressed!!!! 

I am finally admitting that to myself. I am depressed, and I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know what makes me really happy anymore.